To the polls we go.
Lock up you daughters maybe even you sons, in five days time we will find out if nearly a decade of Ugboot face madness will be revisited at the expense of giving the Grand Master of Foreign Exchange traders a second term. While not wanting to polarise souls with political stance, and given the fact the last time I ticked the box was for the Legalise Cannabis party, I must concede that a coalition of Labour, Greens, NZ First & Mana parties could have some downside. The out of work geriatric tree huggers dream.
Ugboot face has been paid her settlement for signing the Kyoto agreement first and now swans in and out of the hole in the ozone layer in organic aircraft at will. Probably munching the rug of her mile high partner in crime while her husband spends his time researching if it's medically possible for the two ugliest people on earth to make little politicians. Or will their hideous little offspring have to get a real job. What we must consider, aside from the free lunches for those who were told in the baby boomer hand book to choose red, is there a legacy from the record three term politically correct asexual Labour (or benefit if that's suits better) government that can help those monkeys still on the fence choose our future commander in chief.
And before you start getting hot under the collar there is no underlying racial connotation or reference in the word monkey. I strongly believe we all came from monkeys, so race or colour hold no ownership on the word monkey.Nor do I accept that I should have to refrain using my third favourite word in the context I choose. And I'm not being a clever monkey, nor a cheeky monkey. I just find the word and the in fact the species as a hole very comical and versatile. So unless you have a prehensile tail, are covered in fur and and have a DNA sample to prove you are a monkey, back the fuck off.
It would be interesting to know exactly how many millions of carbon credits NZ tax payers have been forced to buy from the likes of Russia and China (both renown for their clean green style) on the back of signing that ridiculous agreement. I suspect it would come close to paying off the devastation in the shaky flatland. Maybe if it was worded differently ... we could have doubled your unemployment benefit backdated 20 years if we didn't sign the late 20th century's biggest cluster fuck ... there would have been a few less monkeys on the fence.
The right wing doesn't escape without a clip too for that matter. Who the fuck decided a few years ago that Donald Brash would lead the strike force tasked with bringing down the PC party. He was the most PC mofo on the block, lost a leaders debate because he didn't want to interrupt a lady! He said it was disrespectful to woman and preferred to wait until she had finished, what a fucken jub. She not gonna finish you moron its a debate, shes gonna rip you a new arsehole on national TV. And was never proven she was a woman.
That's was almost as crazy as Donald Duck being in charge of winning the world cup. Whoops .... that's right he did!
I wont be voting myself unfortunately as I'm off on a mystery getaway this weekend. The mystery has been solved just quietly but all the same im gonna be wearing speedos for 72 hours and there is no way im gonna potentially cue up next to ACT party constituants in a banana hammock. Look what they did to Rodney Hide! Looks like hes been biting pillows daily ever since they glazed him in oil and made him go ballroom dancing.
spot monkey
Sunday, 20 November 2011
Thursday, 17 November 2011
For your guide dog
Interesting to note that the desert has been a little stroppy of late. Not sure if it’s the increase number of iPhone in the region or just things have genuinely escalated to full scale chaos. But it has to be said the sand people are troubled bunch. I put it down to always having dust in the eyes, it will drive you bonkers there’s no doubt. Ever since the world hiding go seek champ was the victim of a brutal home invasion at the hand of the infidel, there certainly has been a lack of law and order and community spirit in the dunes. I wonder if Osama bin Hiding was in actual fact the glue that kept the camel together. In a land where your Hilux comes direct from the factory with a machine gun mounted on the tray anything is possible.
You’ve got to feel for Barry Crump though, no longer being the face synonymous with the world’s greatest Ute. He had a good run. Maybe he could turn his attentions to showing the world police how to drive those fucken Black Hawks. They should have called the movie 20 Black Hawks down, or maybe just Wood duck down. Weird how the fight for the holy land has proven to be the war of all wars, when both the bible and the Koran speak of peace and neighbourly love. Also weird how spell check wants a capital K for Koran but not a capital B for bible. I wonder if we took religion off the planet for a week there would be nothing to fight about. Ha, then it would be planet of the apes.
The China man must be laughing his little titties off watching and waiting for Jesus and Aladdin to break each other’s knee caps. Or at least go completely broke in the process. Thank god Buddha was a mellow yellow fellow because two billion pairs of hands makes light work ... of beating the puss out of someone. It’s always bugged me how the whale eaters gave China the mighty Ginsu in WWII though. If you looked at a map the smart money would have to be on the big guy. Something else bugs me in that neck of the woods to, and that is the consumption of hound. Man’s best friend shud not cooked. I don’t mind dolphin though it’s very good on the spit.
A little sea pig anyone? yum yum.
Brad Pit has retired. How could you ever get tired of riding that race horse of his. She’s an international 10 fosho. I hope Angie doesn’t serve up puppy to any of those little blighters. That would have been the biggest decision that collectively mankind has ever made … Jennifer or Angelina.
Strangely similar to Jesus or Aladdin. Ah the irony
You’ve got to feel for Barry Crump though, no longer being the face synonymous with the world’s greatest Ute. He had a good run. Maybe he could turn his attentions to showing the world police how to drive those fucken Black Hawks. They should have called the movie 20 Black Hawks down, or maybe just Wood duck down. Weird how the fight for the holy land has proven to be the war of all wars, when both the bible and the Koran speak of peace and neighbourly love. Also weird how spell check wants a capital K for Koran but not a capital B for bible. I wonder if we took religion off the planet for a week there would be nothing to fight about. Ha, then it would be planet of the apes.
The China man must be laughing his little titties off watching and waiting for Jesus and Aladdin to break each other’s knee caps. Or at least go completely broke in the process. Thank god Buddha was a mellow yellow fellow because two billion pairs of hands makes light work ... of beating the puss out of someone. It’s always bugged me how the whale eaters gave China the mighty Ginsu in WWII though. If you looked at a map the smart money would have to be on the big guy. Something else bugs me in that neck of the woods to, and that is the consumption of hound. Man’s best friend shud not cooked. I don’t mind dolphin though it’s very good on the spit.
A little sea pig anyone? yum yum.
Brad Pit has retired. How could you ever get tired of riding that race horse of his. She’s an international 10 fosho. I hope Angie doesn’t serve up puppy to any of those little blighters. That would have been the biggest decision that collectively mankind has ever made … Jennifer or Angelina.
Strangely similar to Jesus or Aladdin. Ah the irony
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
maiden voyage
Let’s start with a little politics, delve into some sport and finish with a couple cheap shots at the farer sex.
Well the politicians are at it again, election time down on the farm. That means the race for every RH Minister of fuck all to get the front page headlines is on. First prize is a tick from all the morons who decide who they’ll vote for in the last 2 weeks before the polls open. I calculate this to be about 50% of the votes. That’s how to choose who will govern the country for the next 3 years eh Doris.
This ridiculous yet predictable debacle is fuelled by wood ducks like Duncan ( Ive heard the tape, there’s nothing on it but ill keep asking if i can publish it) Garner who prefer to relentlessly dwell on the menial rather than focus on .... perhaps an election issue or two. God I hate that fuckwit. The guy can’t find a political party to take him because hes such penis, so we have to listen to him bag the other penis’s every night. Barry Soper, just as idiotic but with a worse voice. Sounds like a beaver crawled into his neck and decided to redecorate. While we're at it who’s that freak with a nose three sizes too big and pedo eyes, seriously where does the TV media choose its talent from.
Good thing we had a Rugby World Cup to delay the inevitable bollocks that saturates our flat screens for the months leading up to election day. I’m just glad we don’t have that ugly old wart hog still at the helm. She had a face like a ripped Ug boot and a body that should have been committed to Smash Palace, before the movie. If she was a fox the Queen would not have banned hunting her with a pack of dogs and men with guns on steed. Hideous creature! The Orks kicked her out of there xmas bash.
Ahhh the rugby. ...what a sensation that was. The only real disappointment was that Bryce Lawrence couldn’t make both the Boofhead Boks and the Criminal element lose in his finest hour. It’s like music to the ears hearing those biltong eating buffoons complain about the ref being the reason for losing a quarter final. It’s just so nice to be world champions, to rise above all the bitterness that permeates from the unfortunate also rans and just enjoy the victory. Ahhh the Victory, such a delicious word when used to describe one’s self.
Bloody good to see the Tongy's bash a few amphibians round our nation’s capital too. Slippery little toads nearly snuck in and bombed us again by crikey. But once again their exit plan was flawed and they are left wondering if sounding cool and making the sex good for chicks is all they are destined for. They can’t make a decent fucken coffee either, that’s another festering disappointment from 2007. There's a market for you horribly rich dairy farmers, when you’ve finished poisoning the china mans tea send some milk to those Gaul’s, coz their cows taste like arse.
Still making the sex good for the girls is an admirable trait none the less. Bit like good old Pinball and his motorboat technique, throw in a dwarf and transvestite bouncer and you’ve got the making of some pretty outrageous porn. Definitely not something the Queens niece is going to dip her toes in. Dam you CCTV, it was shaping up to be a good couple weeks down in Queenstown for Her Majesty's Para regiment. Wouldn’t be the first time they have rolled into a country and shagged the pigmy's FYG.
You’ve got to ask yourself how many other damsels in distress were motor boated by frisky rugby players over that 6 week period. My god the kiwi girls were throwing it away like last year’s G string to anyone with a pair of boots and an accent. Try get them to open shop early now and the only thing that will end up going down will be a drink down your front and THAT look down her nose.
You know the look. The 'I’m way to hot and important to talk to you' look. Give her a set of scales and an FHM mag and see if shes still bubbling with confidence. You’re a 4 at best, now get to the gym.
Well the politicians are at it again, election time down on the farm. That means the race for every RH Minister of fuck all to get the front page headlines is on. First prize is a tick from all the morons who decide who they’ll vote for in the last 2 weeks before the polls open. I calculate this to be about 50% of the votes. That’s how to choose who will govern the country for the next 3 years eh Doris.
This ridiculous yet predictable debacle is fuelled by wood ducks like Duncan ( Ive heard the tape, there’s nothing on it but ill keep asking if i can publish it) Garner who prefer to relentlessly dwell on the menial rather than focus on .... perhaps an election issue or two. God I hate that fuckwit. The guy can’t find a political party to take him because hes such penis, so we have to listen to him bag the other penis’s every night. Barry Soper, just as idiotic but with a worse voice. Sounds like a beaver crawled into his neck and decided to redecorate. While we're at it who’s that freak with a nose three sizes too big and pedo eyes, seriously where does the TV media choose its talent from.
Good thing we had a Rugby World Cup to delay the inevitable bollocks that saturates our flat screens for the months leading up to election day. I’m just glad we don’t have that ugly old wart hog still at the helm. She had a face like a ripped Ug boot and a body that should have been committed to Smash Palace, before the movie. If she was a fox the Queen would not have banned hunting her with a pack of dogs and men with guns on steed. Hideous creature! The Orks kicked her out of there xmas bash.
Ahhh the rugby. ...what a sensation that was. The only real disappointment was that Bryce Lawrence couldn’t make both the Boofhead Boks and the Criminal element lose in his finest hour. It’s like music to the ears hearing those biltong eating buffoons complain about the ref being the reason for losing a quarter final. It’s just so nice to be world champions, to rise above all the bitterness that permeates from the unfortunate also rans and just enjoy the victory. Ahhh the Victory, such a delicious word when used to describe one’s self.
Bloody good to see the Tongy's bash a few amphibians round our nation’s capital too. Slippery little toads nearly snuck in and bombed us again by crikey. But once again their exit plan was flawed and they are left wondering if sounding cool and making the sex good for chicks is all they are destined for. They can’t make a decent fucken coffee either, that’s another festering disappointment from 2007. There's a market for you horribly rich dairy farmers, when you’ve finished poisoning the china mans tea send some milk to those Gaul’s, coz their cows taste like arse.
Still making the sex good for the girls is an admirable trait none the less. Bit like good old Pinball and his motorboat technique, throw in a dwarf and transvestite bouncer and you’ve got the making of some pretty outrageous porn. Definitely not something the Queens niece is going to dip her toes in. Dam you CCTV, it was shaping up to be a good couple weeks down in Queenstown for Her Majesty's Para regiment. Wouldn’t be the first time they have rolled into a country and shagged the pigmy's FYG.
You’ve got to ask yourself how many other damsels in distress were motor boated by frisky rugby players over that 6 week period. My god the kiwi girls were throwing it away like last year’s G string to anyone with a pair of boots and an accent. Try get them to open shop early now and the only thing that will end up going down will be a drink down your front and THAT look down her nose.
You know the look. The 'I’m way to hot and important to talk to you' look. Give her a set of scales and an FHM mag and see if shes still bubbling with confidence. You’re a 4 at best, now get to the gym.
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