It’s looking like a pretty exciting year is upon us so you better make sure you have a bigger better flat screen and some 3D glasses. The Mayans and John Cusack believe this to be the year of global cataclysm. While this theory does have some traction among various creed I’m not convinced I’ll be trying anything gay, or committing offenses that may lead to incarceration just yet. Maybe later in the year when there is more tangible evidence of total annihilation.
I must admit there have been some interesting precursors to at least partial devastation of the blue tombola, you definitely could be forgiven for suspecting the worst… The Persians have started enriching uranium whatever that means, I’m assuming that’s CIA code for lets invade those cunts now. The Pacific ring of fire is reminding the bearded sox and sandal club why it is apply named. And the most unruly of all the rogue states has just been handed over to a 23 year old virgin with poor eyesight, a taste for hound and an allergy to alcohol. The most likely scenario is the euro will get disbanded and the EU will implode … the china man will keep buying US soil … the Africans will keep turning blood into stones and the whales will continue to create disharmony on the seven seas. Dam that luscious blubber.
There is a few other dates you may wish to add to your calendar. Forget Jan its always a write off, summer boozing in the South … winter freezing in the North and the china man gets about 2 weeks off to look for dragons.
The first major event on the poodle calendar has to be Feb 6, when the Ras ta Fari amongst us celebrate the birth of Robert Nesta (1945 – 1981). Id like to take this opportunity to thank the Captain and Cedalla Booker for finally bringing mankind a prophet not blinded by religion, race or wealth. And he truly was very great man…
Aoteroa day also lands on this square, this is a fitting duet given the propensity for the locals to enhance conversation and feast. Other minor occasions include the 60th anniversary of QEII inheriting the golden hat and the big chair. Not too much common wealth involved in that scheme for your guide dog.
Later in the year we have a 6 ring circus, The 2012 Summer Olympics held in London begin July 27th. Im really looking forward to soaking up all the new and improved performance enhancing drugs, illegal betting scams and especially the exciting stories of how much it takes to bribe the IOC members to host the 2016 circus. Although I have heard from the horse’s mouth that the Olympics are a defining event in any athlete’s life, its governing body rivals FIFA in its level of corruption and scandal. These hypocrites and parasites that administer the global phenomenon that is the olympics would have all been jailed years ago had they run a Wall street firm. So I can’t get to excited to be honest, but i will be paying close attention to the womans pole vault.
In August we will have another crack at landing on Mars, the Curiosity Rover is expected to make landfall sometime in the middle of the month. However let’s not count our Martians just yet (ha spell check required a capital M for martian). The last Mars expedition slammed straight into the red planet at 50,000 miles per second due to a small oversight i.e the navigation computer used the metric system. “Houston we have a problem, was that 10,000 meters or 10,000 feet….? BANG! Ah Houston im picking that was feet.” And 10 billion dollars makes a pretty big bang for your guide dawg.
Probably the most significant event of TwentyTwelve is New Years eve funnily enough. Aside from the 21st of Dec when the pre-Columbian Mayan civilization predicted a day of doom. Of course they wont get to see it because the crack pipe lead to their demise long before the prophecy could be tested. Dam you crack pipe.
On December 31st we will see the end to the Kyoto Protocol in its current form. This gives an opportunity for the terra firmas largest polluters and oil consumers to consider their decison to ignore their responsibilities in prolonging the life span of our atmospheree. A second chance if you will. It also enables New Zealand and other nations that were run by swampies in 1992 to exocise their ‘get the fuck out of this’ option. Be interesting to see how many signatures would be on that scroll had they actually read it.
Hopefully China and Russia used the billions of dollars of carbon credits paid to them by NZ tax payers wisely over the last 20 years. Dam good of the worlds ugliest woman to volunteer to help the china man buy more coal when she jumped on board that donkey. I still want to know who paid the fart tax for the megaheard of zebras and wilderbeast trumpeting their way across the African continent. Hmmm, maybe ugboot face put our hand up for that aswell.
Hopefully China and Russia used the billions of dollars of carbon credits paid to them by NZ tax payers wisely over the last 20 years. Dam good of the worlds ugliest woman to volunteer to help the china man buy more coal when she jumped on board that donkey. I still want to know who paid the fart tax for the megaheard of zebras and wilderbeast trumpeting their way across the African continent. Hmmm, maybe ugboot face put our hand up for that aswell.
Good luck for 2012, lets hope the world doesnt end just yet...
C bom
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