Stripey horse tamer

It’s hard to know what goes on in the mind of the over 80s, but I presume xmas is a time of year the elders consider a good yard stick to measure father time. Even I know that 30 years ago what was under the ol pine cone was a whole lot different to what it was last year. So imagine the plethora of disappointment that was there 80 year ago.

Under the tree in 1932 would have been like an Eskimos wet dream, the anticipation of letting the cat out of the bag is allot better than the reality. Oh look mummy, a little kitty for xmas! … yeah well don’t get to attached to him Lucy coz the rats are 3x bigger than him at the moment. And hes probably gonna be xmas dinner for 20 next year so let’s hope he makes it through the holiday season.

We as a generation battle with the diseases of obesity, diabetes and depression (if you like food) or famine, anorexia and depression (if you don’t like food). Don’t imagine there were too many folks to fat to get out of the house or pro choice starvation back in the 30s … but they definitely had one great fucken depression. Its amazing what readily available mirrors and motion pictures did for the overall self esteem of the human race. It appears finding inner piece may be allot closer if you don't have a constant reminder of external appearance. Or maybe it’s just less of a concern when faced with the simple business of survival.

A shame we can’t go undercover boss into the clan of the zebra to see how the ultimate communist race actually functions. That stripey little horse.  I'm not black I'm not white, I'm not a horse and I'm not a cow, I don’t know if you’re a girl or a boy but ill shag you anyway. And I cannot be tamed by the 2 legged no tailed talking ape. Many generations of ho mo sapiens have tried to tame the zebra, but alas to no avail. The stripey horse will be the last animal standing on this earth, that is my prediction. That stripey little horse.

If man doesn’t want to eat you and he can’t ride you hes pretty much gonna forget about you. And if mans forgotten you you’ve gotta pretty good shot at survival. Just ask the Swiss. If they didn’t make Swiss army knives know one would know where they were. I bet they are depressed, what with Leatherman’s making awesome xmas presents and all. Are Swiss chix hot? Ive never actually had that confirmed, they sound hot…but it could be the double bluff. You go there expecting xmas and they're all half German shot putters ... you cant get back over the wall and you spend the rest of your days waiting to be possessed by the White Walkers. Take a Leatherman is my advice, those White Walkers don’t fuck around by all accounts. Mind you thousands of years under the ice is gonna create anger issues.

Back to 1945 though, doesn’t it seem strange that granddad and his merry men were not ordered to go open a can of whip arse on the Swiss cheese. Its pretty obvious they were pen pals with Charlie Chapman's evil uncle. Yet there seemed to be a reluctance to sanction the shit out those bad eggs. I expect there is some correlation between this strange course of events and the Swiss bank account. Which brings me back to my earlier query … why is there  always some old dude with grey hair and a halenstines suit when you're transferring hundreds of millions into a Swiss bank account. If I was depositing my sacks of war profit I would want a hot chick passing me the quill …. just sign here sir. I bet those sneaky Cossack bank tellers are hot leggy blonde's open to the notion of sex for a small fee, and perhaps a house and car package ….but not the Swiss.

I hope to see the face of the old creed at present opening sessions for a few more years to come, it’s something to behold.

What the fuck is that?

It’s an iPad granddad

What does it do?

Its like a computer only smaller and no wires

To bloody small to see, and no wires to find it with

You can look at the Internet with it granddad

Whats the Internet?

You remember that think that talks to your computer

Oh that thing in the sky?

Yes that’s it granddad

So what in gods name do I want that for?

I got you a zebra ride as well you grumpy ol bugger.

Santa

PS spell check doesn’t even know what an iPad is … no wonder granddads struggling

four4 legs

Release the beagle

It’s always nice to imagine being pooch but there are limitations. You are strictly a cash operation, there will be no easy outs with credy cards and wot not because you have no fucking hands. To be fair you can run like that for a while but you will get found out pretty quick. So it just depends on how you want it to go down. The tail is something of a gods end. You may be quietly amused but not overly, so a facial expression is not quite warranted. However, a little tap on the carpet with your tail (dub dub) can suffice but if the banter doesn’t warrant further attention you can just close your eyes. You are already lying down so what are they gonna say...you need 22 hours a day and everybody knows this.

Why do land agents get 4% of the deal. They are parking wardens with a leased beamer and a shoe collection on lay bye. Do they really think we are looking at the car payments outside or how they look walking up the hallway of the house your about to take 30yrs to pay off. 
FUCK OFF

If i had the choice of waking up next to a land agent or a parking warden i would definitely go warden. Which is a risky bizniss for a hetero sexual (3some curious if its 2 chix) dude because u just don’t see too many lady parking wardens. Maybe that’s why most land agents are chix. What dude in his right mind would aspire to be a land agent. Obviously there are many men that have paid many a marker from the proceeds of selling a hotel on park lane, but seriously it’s a part time gig isn’t it? If you make your rent buy taking a cut off someone else’s rent then how do you get up in the morning and smile. You think those filthy land agents are fucking on your couch in the month of marketing your property? Of Course theY are. Does anyone even know a land agent aside from the month every 5 years that you pay them a gorilla an hour to find a buyer or seller.

When you are ready to go so is 4legs, he is impartial and has no expectations but hes dam keen. Or not... happy to sleep for a while aswell, maybe a movie and a biscuit, either way hes happy. All puppies are happy, and all those that have puppies are happy. Cats suck.  Why do the K9 constabulary want to chop off my balls! I’m not sure if it’s a dick thing or a ball thing or a chick thing but the annual hound tax is eighty per cent less if the manhood is removed. I prefer with stones. Imagine if 2 legs got an 80 percent tax break for adhering to the eunuch(pronounced yu nick) tax  code. 3somes would be the norm .. that’s the world i want to reside on. I love three sums but i am more of a numbers man.

If I was gonna get 20 gorillas for shagging on some staged furniture in a crib I can’t afford until next moon I would mosdef be putting in more effort. In what world do you have to chase some wood duck to give him/her the juice on your biggest life cheque and then he/she forgets who you are the next time you see him/her. Whoops that’s right I forget, you never see him/her again because they are social re taaards that only mingle amongst their own kind. Kind of like the sopranos only way less cool and way easier to bash the fuck out of. Don’t even get me started on the rental retards. Imagine how popular a polar bear would be with the south pole locals and your getting close to a rental retard at a disco. What the fuck is a letting fee for you margin monkey, get a job.

Sit boo boo
Sit